Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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