You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
