apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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