I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
