i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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