if you like me you must not know who I am
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
