3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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