it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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