I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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