My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
