you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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