I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
