I accidentally had phone sex last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
