he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this hospital has no fireball
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
