make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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