so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
