Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
