I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
