I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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