The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
