Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
