i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
