I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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