I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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