You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
