never play flip cup with pint glasses
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
