I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
