Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
