1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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