I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
