Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
