Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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