I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
