It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
