I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
