Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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