Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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