Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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