i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
