Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
