There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will be naked everywhere
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
