I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
