I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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