my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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