so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
