I love black thongs
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
