Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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