She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
