it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had sex on a roof
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
