When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
