We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
