I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
